I have some sad news folks.
A little more than a week ago I lost a close, dear friend. It's taken me a while but I'm done grieving. I'm ready to talk about it.
That's right, I shaved my beard. For the first time in nearly five years, I felt the cold, unkind touch of a razor scrap its way over my chin.
A bit melodramatic, maybe. But nonetheless, a painful experience. From my first conscious thought I've known one thing, one absolute truth about myself—as soon as I was able to, I would grow a beard.
I know what you want to ask me—and believe me I've asked it myself—why? Mario wouldn't leave Luigi, Paul Bunyan wouldn't give up his ax, so why would Samson cut his hair?
The answer is simple: I love balls. And I'm not talking about our national pastime folks, I'm talking testicles. I love my testicles. Yours too in fact. Also, I hate cancer.
So, for the month of November, excuse me Movember1, I'm donating my face (and beard) to a worthy cause.
"Movember," according to the website, "challenges men to change their appearance and the face of men’s health by growing a mustache."
"The rules are simple start Movember 1st clean-shaven and then grow a mustache for the entire month2. The mustache becomes the ribbon for men’s health, the means by which awareness and funds are raised for cancers that affect men. Much like the commitment to run or walk for charity, the men of Movember commit to growing a mustache for 30 days."
In 2009, more than a quarter-million "Mo Bros and Mo Sistas3" raised $42 million for men's health and prostate cancer research. The City of Reno, excuse me Remo, contributed more than $11,000 to the cause. This year, our goal is $25,000.
So there it is, that's why I shaved my beard. That's why I look like a chubby 19-year-old4. And that's why I'm asking you to donate to the movement. You can support me, support my co-workers, or hell, support this guy5—it doesn't matter—just donate.
Special thanks to Earl Conlon Spriggs for the straight-razor shave and Cory and Cody Canon for documenting the occasion. Also, Chelsea Canon, Ed, Heidi and Page; Nico and Kelly, Scott Rieckens and Scott Oxarart. I couldn't have done this without your support. Also, beer.
1Mo is slang for mustache. November is the eleventh month of the year in the Gregorian Calendar. Mo + vember = Movember. 2If this sounds a bit like No Shave November, well, it kind of is. Except with a purpose. 3Just because you're chromosonically challenged, doesn't mean you can't give. 4A cold, chubby 19-year-old. I forgot how much warmth my facial fur provided. 5Creeper.